no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
