you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
