so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
