Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
