The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
