she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize