So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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