i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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