I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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