I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ruined the universe
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
