i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
