i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
