Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
