Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
