i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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