It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In other news, I just burned my penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
