the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
