he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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