Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
