Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
