So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
