I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
