You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
