so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
