She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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