She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
