Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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