I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
