if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
