New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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