She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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