we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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