I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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