I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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