We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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