dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
