I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
