i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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