remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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