Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
