he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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