Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
