As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I currently don't understand fingers.
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