What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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