I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My cat gives me a boner
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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