Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
