I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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