some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
