My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
