i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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