please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
