Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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