cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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