I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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