dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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