I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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