He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
