So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
