Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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