i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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