Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
