My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
