i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Randomize
