just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
