he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
