Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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