I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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