I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
