dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
