If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize