An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
