I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
