you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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