Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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