I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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