She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
