the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
