im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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