The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
