I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
