WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
